It has been three weeks (approximately) since I have been to the gym, with the exception of two or three times. Appalling. I am very frustrated with myself and my lack of consistency, but particularly my inhuman ability to make excuses and justify everything as a good enough reason not to go to the gym lately.
We struggle with this pattern each semester. It's like I can juggle two of the three tasks, (work, school, gym) but can't quite seem to balance them all together. Not to mention fitting relationship time in there. I even went so far at the start of last month as to pimp out a huge dry erase board with a schedule for cardio and weight training based on time allowance between classes and work. It's gorgeous, and I'll be damned if I didn't follow it even one single day last month. To make matters worse, for some reason I have this mental block about starting something in the middle of the week. If I don't start out at the beginning it feels like it isn't... I don't know, actually. I can't quite pin it. It's very strange. And very frustrating to be so caught up in my own head when it makes no sense lol. So I have been trying everything I can think of to motivate myself. I know that we both need to get back on track. I know that my staggering lack of energy is because I'm not the little calorie furnace I'm used to being. I know that he needs the push and support to stay motivated, and I really need to work on being that partner he needs because right now I have little to no self motivation. I have been really trying to focus on that to help get my head right.
There is a woman at our gym that I have spoken to several times, who goes at around the same time I do. She is pretty awesome. We usually meet up in the sauna and have a sweaty chat before my workout. One of the three times I have been recently, she commented on not having seen me in a while. It stung. And that makes me happy in a way. I need some kind of reaction to it. A kick in the pants to budge me from the couch. I want people to comment on how often they see me there, how sweaty and exhausted and near death I look cus I left it all on the floor and didn't hold anything back...
...NOT how rarely I'm there.
Her voice has been echoing in my head ever since. When we (finally) went to the gym tonight, I ran into her in the sauna again and I told her that her voice has been haunting me all week. She had told me that no matter what is going on, you just have to make the decision, and get off your ass and go. Tonight, I was tired and drained from studying, and the future hubbs was tired and sore (flu shot) and we didn't want to go. But we did. I left the homework on the table at the time I said I was planning to, and got into my gym clothes and that was that. Even had an issue with my shoe, which normally would have probably resulted in my not going, but I knew I had to go. No bullshit. No procrastinating. Most of the time I feel like just getting through the doors of the gym is the hardest part. Once I'm there I'm just like eh screw it... I'm here, might as well get dirty.
My sister and I were discussing this during study breaks, and I told her about my issue with starting in the middle of the week, month, what have you, and she was like "Hey, no biggie, it's the first of the month. Fresh start." I hadn't even realized it, so I thought, ok. Give in to the OCD and start fresh. There are no excuses cus it's day one. So from here on, my goal is to do something that will induce sweat every day, regardless of what it is. I realigned the dates on my fitness schedule to reflect the new month, and will be keeping a log of my workouts in a notebook I have had and never seem to keep up with.
Another issue I have is on the days I work, I usually get home several hours before he comes home from work, which means I have enough time to wind down and get sleepy just in time for him to come home and wanna hit the gym. We have talked about it, and I have been making changes to keep myself active so I don't hit that wall. For instance, rather than coming home and immediately changing into a tshirt and sweatpants to do homework, I change into my gym clothes to keep myself in that mind set. Sometimes even that is not enough, so it's time to break another barrier in the struggle for the hot bod... Going to the gym solo. Getting off my ass with no one to push me into my Reeboks but me.
Going without the other seems to be a big hurdle for both of us. We know we need to put our respective big-kid chonies on and just do the damn thing, but thinking it and doing it are two very different things. Again, here comes my inconsistency knocking me over the head with a club.
I know at the end of the day, it's always going to be a struggle, because I am battling almost 30 years of bad habits and tendancies. But I also know that this isn't a fad or a phase, this is for the rest of my life. I still feel good about what I've accomplished thus far, and am happy that even though I have hit this rough patch, I am not seeing a drastic weight gain, but more of a flatline. Just gotta keep trucking. Keep looking for new ways (and people) to keep me on my toes!
No message for tonight, really. Just an update of sorts. "Never give up; Never surrender!!"
Thanks for stopping by, guys.
Optimistically yours...
